I've moved

Greetings!

At the "always good advice" of Mark Horvath @hardlynormal, I moved my blog to Blue Host. You can find my blog at www.halfmissionaryhalfmercenary.com.

Thanks for your interest and support! 

kdk

Photo of the Week: School Window

Ethiopia, 2009

a question worth asking...

Yesterday, I had a call with a colleague and in the course of our discussion I was reminded why one question is so powerful in my work. 

Since my move from for-profit to non-profit environs, I first discovered this question and its hidden power four years ago in the office of a senior executive for one of the world’s largest financial institutions. After discussing a possible funding opportunity, I asked him what I thought was a pretty obvious question, one that caused him to slump back in his high leather chair stunned, and after a long pause say… “in my 18 years working with non-profits, no one has ever asked me that before.” Needless to say, I was equally stunned by his response. I also had the strong sensation that I may found an "Rembrandt in a yard sale," in that I have discovered something very valuable that countless people have walked past, discounting its art and value.

A few months later, I was in the office of a corporate vice-president and in the course of our meeting about a potential partnership, I again asked this question and again, I stunned another business veteran. He uttered the exact same phrase word for word… “no one has ever asked me that before.” At this point, I knew I was onto something important.

A year later, during a business dinner with a senior executive of a consumer goods company, I asked him the question and after a pregnant pause, responded,“no one has ever asked me that before.” Hat trick!

And, yesterday afternoon, on call with a colleague in another department, whose services I will likely need in the coming months, I asked her ‘the question” and she said…. Yep, you guessed it… “no one has ever asked me that before…” Of all the people, it was her response that surprised me the most. I would have thought/hoped that “the question” would not have been a first for her. 

It is still strange to me that I asked the question at four key times and all four people responded word-for-word the exact same way - “no one has ever asked me that before…”

At this point, I obviously need to reveal the question that has stunned so many season professionals. Interestingly, most of us have hear it many times each day, but in different contexts with different intentions - “…how can I help you? Sorry to disappoint you, but it’s that simple – “How can I help you?” Of course, I don’t mean it a “Subway” fashion… welcome to subway, how can I help you? I mean it in a pledge with the subtext - I know you have needs and goals and in the spirit of good partnership, I want you to meet those needs and achieve those goals, so how can I help you?

Is it revolutionary? no… Is it rare? Apparently… Is it powerful? In my experience, yes. 

I have cut my professional career out of building partnerships and curiously the question was not as "stun producing" in the private sector as it has been in the non-profit sector. I can only speculate why that may be and don't want to explore that here. However, assuming that I am right, it makes this a particular important point for  social entrepreneurs and non-profiteers to reflect on and consider. And, even the question was not so rare and piercing, I would still ask it, because it is important to me. Here's why:

1. In the spirit of Christ’s teachings, “do unto to others as you would have them do unto you (Luke 6:31).” If I want to build a partnership with a company, a team or a person, I believe that it is best done by first modeling partnership through actual service.

2. Every good partnership is based on joint-equity, so if I am not pursuing shared value on behalf of my partner, then I am not a good partner and I will not be helping to build a good partnership, so a good partnership will not be built.

3. Good partnerships are built on shared value and shared sacrifice, among other thing. By helping others, ideally first, you begin by making a personal investment in the partnership, which will lead to a greater commitment to- and appreciation for the relationship through good times and more importantly bad.

4. All relationships are tough, because we all carry the scars from bad ones, making us cynical and defensive. By serving first, you disarm people’s concerns, because you have lead with vulnerability by your trust in their hands without asking them for anything in return.

5. Talk is cheap, so walk the talk - It will set you apart. It shows you’re serious. Unfortunately, a good number of people are selfish and self-centered – basically, they’re takers. If you give or at least offer to give before asking to take, then you have demonstrated that you are not a taker, but a true partner, a partner that can be trusted.

Lastly, let me underscore that this question is not a trick or a technique, but it’s an approach. It’s an approach to good partnership and being a trusted counterpart. If I am good partner to others and help them meet their needs, then I believe that they will likely reciprocate and be a good partner to me and, in turn, help me my needs and goals. And in my experience, I have and they do.

It’s important to note I don’t take this approach with everyone as I curate my relationships and potential partnerships. Since most people are takers, most relationships and business activities are transactional. Therefore, partnerships are somewhat rare due to all that they entail and require, but when they are right, there is no better investment.  

Does this approach always work and have happy endings? No, but if employed right, it produces vastly more successes than failures. I have been blessed to build some seriously big partnerships and I don’t believe that I could have ever done so without this “how can I help you” approach.  

Please know it is a “step approach” and an “all in at once” approach. If you serve them and they don’t reciprocate with the same partnership spirit, then you have efficiently identified them as a poor investment, helping you to allocate your resources better. In short, it helps you succeed big and fail fast.

Presently, I am fortunate to enjoy a considerable amount of success in my work. I can’t help but believe it is in part because I offer to give before taking, while many of my competitors are only interested in the taking. Hopefully, I will someday soon have to work even harder and be even better, because more people are practicing a give first and then take second approach, making it more common and less distinctive. 

Give it a try and let me know how it works for you.

kdk  

a word on goals....

More and more, I increasingly appreciate how “deliberate practice” is fundamental to really improving one’s tradecraft. For far too long, I assumed that repetitive practice was making me better, only to realize that in some respects, I was only repetitively practicing mistakes.  In order to break this pattern, I have been focusing on breaking down the mechanics of my work and focusing on fine-tuning the discreet elements, a number of which have a disproportionate impact, relative to their size, on my net effectiveness to do my work – building partnerships, closing deals and raising funds. 

Many of these elements are seemingly simple and perhaps “so obvious that they are the least obvious” disciplines. I’ve been embarrassed to realize how often I neglected so many simple yet fundamentally important disciplines Case in point; I recently rediscovered a neglected practice by first noticing how it was adversely affecting the effectiveness of others’ work.

From proposals to business plans to conferences to meetings, I saw all these people making the same error.  And then, much to my discomfort, I realized I was one of those people, making the same error.  It was like shaking your head at a bunch of people with stains on their shirts, only to get home and see that you spent the entire day with your fly down. In We all had a shared problem - the lack of a clear incremental goals.   We were doing things without a clearly intended purpose.

Now, when I talk about goals here, I am not referring to the traditional understanding of goals, whereby you set a big, long-range target, i.e. raise $5MM in FY 2013.  Rather, I’m talking about an incremental goal – something compact, immediate, and measurable; something that plays a part in a larger context. Big goals are directional. Incremental-goals are progressive. By way of analogy, it’s proper placement of a single tile that fits into a larger mosaic.

Do incremental goals make that big of difference? In my experience, no question!
Far too long, like many I assume, I used to go into the meetings, calls or conferences with an intuitive sense what I wanted to do/achieve, without setting very clear objectives and how to achieve them.   This “shoot from the hip” reliance on my intuitive sense is at best unreliable and at worst, self-deceiving and lazy. It caused me to miss opportunities and underperform relative to my potential.

I know this because when I adjusted my approach, by identifying goals, my performance ratio spiked. If I had a call, I wrote down the call’s purpose and specific goals. If I met a client or prospect for coffee, I wrote down specifically why I requested someone’s time and what outcomes I wanted to score want. If I went to a conference, I identified why I was going and what return on investment I need to produce. In all case, I did a short post-op and reviewed whether or not, I met my goals – why or why not. Setting incremental goals not only increased my productive, but also improve my clarity of focus and boosted my confidence.

This practice creates three immediate benefits:

1. It forces you to think “incrementally” – Focusing on the discrete steps that blaze a clear path to a macro-goal.
2. It creates a consistent feedback that measures your daily performance ratio - You learn what is working and what is not.
3. It adds to a discipline of practice that will hone and fine-tune you’re the mechanics of your work... Again, it’s an indisputable fact that the more you “practice deliberately,” the better you will become.

Granted, I imagine that this all seems like an obvious point, one that everyone knows…. Maybe it is… but in my experience, therein lies the deception - it is so obvious that it goes overlooked and unutilized. In my current state, I am finding that more and more the attention I pay incremental goals, they greater impact they have on my work…. I’m closing more deals, I’m building more partnerships and I’m raising more funds than ever before….

“For want of a nail the shoe was lost.

For want of a shoe the horse was lost.

For want of a horse the rider was lost.

For want of a rider the message was lost.

For want of a message the battle was lost.

For want of a battle the kingdom was lost.

And all for the want of a horseshoe nail.”

 ~ John Gower, Confesio Amantis, 1392

  

kdk

Laundering Money

Consider this…. 

Is there any person, company or organization whose “no-strings attached" donation you would not accept? If you worked in an anti-human trafficking organization, would you take a donation from a producer in the pornography business?   If you worked for a cancer research organization, would you accept funds from a tobacco company? If you worked for a faith-based organization, would you accept funds from a strip club owner?

Over the last year, I have met with three different non-profit organizations that were faced with these exact dilemmas. Interestingly, these types of choices are not as uncommon as many might think. And, in all three cases, the ethical choice was seemingly easy and obvious – they all refused the money. Of course! It's what you are supposed to do - everybody knows that. So, logically, it was a no-brainer for two of the three groups, only one had any hesitation. And, while I mean no disrespect, I unfortunately agree with them - it was "a no-brainer," because from my standpoint they did not thoroughly think through the rationale and implications of their decision, rather they all three reacted with passionate conviction, albeit misplaced, and carried the water of the status quo. While I understand completely the visceral response, I believe that their decision was ultimately misguided and did not serve "their cause" well.

Let me be clear, I strongly believe that pornography, strip clubs and tobacco are all destructive forces and leave a wide wake of broken lives behind them.  I am in no way “light” on any of these industries.

In each case, I asked the leadership teams to tell me more about their decision process and the groups all gave very similar answers. In essence, the consensus was that it would compromise their ethics, standards and brand to take funds from the aforementioned people/organizations, who were representative of the very problem they were trying to improve. At this point, I asked:

Q: It was no-strings attached, right?

A: yes

Q: So, there was no expectation or public recognition of any kind, right?

A: Correct…

Q: Then how would accepting funds from the donor this compromise your ethics? Where were you compromising?

A: Silence…

These are all well-intended and great professionals, but in my opinion, they lost focus and sight of their goal/mission. Their apparent “disgust” for the donor, industry and/or their fear of possible public opinion misdirected their attention away from their goal, a-la Apollo Robbins and towards an array of negative distractions, leading them to make decisions contrary to their organization’s goals. It’s an easy reflexive trap to fall into and I assume that most unprepared people would make the same mistake. These groups were so turned off by any personal association with the donor that they turned away from seeing the excellent opportunity to use bad money to do good.  

Bear in mind, if there were any strings attached, it changes the equation completely and I too would say no….  But there weren’t. Therefore, you could take the donation and sleep “the sleep of the righteous.” At its heart, it’s an uncomfortable situation wearing the mask of a moral dilemma.

Now Consider, what happens if you don’t accept the money? …Nothing. Nothing happens; at least, nothing good. You might feel better about yourself, but then again this shouldn’t be about you, should it? If you don’t accept the money, it may be used to make another pornographic movie, open another strip club or produce more tobacco – three things contrary to these organizations’ mission. In such cases, I say, “The devil has used the money long enough - it’s high time that the money start doing some good.”  Personally, I am not willing to walk away from an opportunity to do good, because I am too uncomfortable with a situation or donor. These are clearly hard and possibly stressful decisions, but if you want to be a professional, you have to make hard decisions.  

I can guarantee you that anyone working for a non-profit will eventually confront this crossroad, if you haven’t already. Consequently, you are best served to consider this inevitable dilemma now and how it might correlate to best interests of your organization and begin to decide where your line in the sand is. In her work in Calcutta, even Mother Teresa faced this issue. She was often criticized for taking donations for her work with the “Missionaries of Charity” from anyone, local criminals and publicly disgraced figures alike (i.e. Charles Keating and Robert Maxwell). In spite of her many critics, Mother Teresa was unwavering in her perspective on the state of charitable donations no matter the source. She would bless the funds, declaring “all money is made pure in the service of God.”

- kdk

The Jedi Mind Trick

I recently came across an oddly, fascinating article in the New Yorker, “A Pickpocket’s Tale: The Spectacular Thefts of Apollo Robbins.”  Apart from the entertainment, Apollo Robbins provides wealth of wisdom about human behavior as he describes the way in which he separates people from their possessions. Amongst all the terrific insight in the article, one statement really stood out and resonated with me as a particular important statement of professional advice for anyone who works with people and ideas.

“It’s all about choreography of people’s attention… attention is like water. It flows. It’s liquid. You create channels to divert it and you hope that it flows the right way.”

In my opinion, this is a not some esoteric perspective, but a provocative revelation on interpersonal activity, full of macro- and micro-implications that can positively affect our lives and goals. I am concerned that it is easy to confuse this notion with what we understand as convincing people. It’s different. As Apollo points out that it’s sophisticated choreography using verbal and physical tactics to capture and shift people’s conscious focus away from some things and towards other. Ultimately, this choreography moves people minds to an open position where they can be convinced and influenced.  Just, in the same fashion that you can channel people’s attention away from your efforts to remove their wallet or watch, you can also use the force to channel their attention towards your efforts, ideas and initiatives.  

Ironically, I suspect, attention is one of those obvious, yet commonly overlooked areas of life in spite of its crosscutting influence on success. Whatever the case, the ability to choreograph people’s attention appears to be an exceptionally powerful skillset, perhaps one of a number of things that separates the good from the very great and the influenced from the influential.

I’ve often marveled at a lone person emerge above a group and exercise Jedi-like powers that move an entire room of people towards their point, until they have full command of the forum. Accordingly, the mastery of directing attention may be one of the X factors on why some people seem to disproportionately win the support of others, even though they may not possess the better idea. In fact, I have witnessed many excellent ideas fail or go relatively unnoticed, despite their superior merit …just ask the makers of “the Zune.” Therefore, one’s market share of attention stems from far more than strength of ideas. Clearly, some people are just naturally gifted at directing attention of people, but history is also well populated by rich line of people who were not naturally compelling forces, but hone this skill to rise to the stature of titans in their own respect and performance. Moses, Lincoln, Wilberforce, and Skywalker are a few names that immediately come to mind for me.  

Unfortunately, in my experience, too many people  fall into one of two extremes in their practice of this skill. Either, they are just passive and let the flow of others carry them out to sea or they are overly aggressive and splash around, making them ineffective and somewhat annoying. In other words, both approaches fail. Channeling attention doesn’t mean that one dominates meetings, conversation or calls; quite the opposite, I believe that it means that guiding people at the right time with the right verbal and physical moves. It might just be leaning towards the conference table and making an acute point. It might be leaning away from the table and using an extended pause. It might be putting your hand on someone’s shoulder and starting a sentence with their first name. It might be looking straight at someone and slowing your speech. It might be looking away and cracking a witty joke. It might be a whole host of situation appropriate and experience driven combinations. However, If done truly masterfully, you don’t necessaril need to speak or do much at all, but what little you do do has to be targeted and powerful enough to tilt the balance to your intended direction. In fact, if you think about people who are highly influential, each practice this invisible art in their own personal way, but all seem to share a number of common traits.

While far from exhaustive or complete, I have outlined what I believe are seven of the very basic trace elements in the skill of channeling attention:

1.        It's well-informed;

2.        It's goal-oriented ;

3.        It's incremental;

4.        It's deliberate;

5.        It’s precise;

6.        It's subtle;

7.        It's honed.

While I am confident that I am not doing this topic its full justice, I do hope that I have at least raised your awareness to the flow of attention. Hopefully, if you have not seen the flow before, you will begin to see it now; and if you did see it before, you’ll hopefully start practicing how to channel it , If you practice it, you’ll improve at it and if you improve at it and make positive impacts on things bigger than yourself. Something, I think it is a very good thing.  

kdk

Maiden Voyage - My First Blog Post

As a part of my 2013 New Year's Resolution, apart from getting in better shape, eating healthier, reading more, I have resolved to create a blog and post on it, at least, once a week. Its been a long overdue decision, and I have finally chosen to do so for the following reasons: 

1.) I am a firm-believer that writing is just a plain, good, professional discipline and it will make you a better <fill in the blank>. Since, I want to better my craft and myself, I am writing this as much for me as I am for anyone else; 

2.) I have always believed that "if you take a penny, you leave a penny." In other words, if I am going to take advantage of the ideas of others, I should also provide a few of my own, because no one likes a mooch. Hopefully, my ideas contribute to the lives of people, as some blogs have contributed to my life;

3.) I am blessed with an interesting, often fulfilling, complicated job to raise cash for an international humanitarian organization. I am paid to bring together the very rich with the very poor in a way that often provides value to both. I negotiate deals (big and small), build partnerships (big and small), and fight battles (big and small). Like most of us, I work with some titans, some saints, some characters and some real jackasses. And, I am able to travel to a number of wild places not easy to find on most maps - All of which enables me to live a great adventure, involving a rich mixture of people, places and experiences;

4.) I am blessed to have friends, confederates, and colleagues who believe in me and have long encouraged me to share my thoughts and experiences, online, as I have done in conference presentations and other venues.

5.) I wanted to do something different and see where it takes me. 

To conclude this introductory post, let me just say that I appreciate anyone who reads any of my blog posts, as I know that that your time is valuable and you have multitude of other good things that you could spend your time on. Of course, I also invite and would greatly appreciate any constructive input that anyone has to offer. 

I wish you a very Happy and Prosperous New Year! More to come....

kdk